Set mainly in Stockholm in the 1990s, the novel is narrated in the first person, each of its four chapters
dedicated to a different character who has somehow left an indelible mark on the protagonist, a writer.
As the author ponders on past lovers, tumultuous friendships and her relationship with her own
troubled mother, she reflects on the meaning of these human exchanges and how they have deeply
affected her life in mysterious, unexpected ways.
The book opens with the author presently recovering from a flu virus. Forced to stay in bed, she picks
up a novel that a significant ex-lover of hers, a woman called Joanna, gifted her many years ago, and she
begins to reflect on their relationship. The two of them met while at university and shared a fanatical
love of literature. Joanna is an attentive, passionate lover, showering the protagonist with gifts and
encouraging her writing ambitions. Their bond is deeply intimate and intellectual, something the author
will be unable to find with any of her subsequent lovers. When Joanna leaves her abruptly, she is
devastated, a situation that is made worse by the fact that Joanna goes on to become a notorious public
figure, constantly mentioned in countless social settings. Even after all these years, the author hasn’t
quite made peace with Joanna’s departure, and only partly finds solace in the love of the books they
shared.
The second chapter is dedicated to Niki, the protagonist’s flatmate in the 1990s. Mercurial and prone to
extreme mood changes, Niki isn’t easy to live with, but she has money and charisma and is ultimately
exciting to be around. For a while the protagonist finds a way to adapt around Niki’s destructive
personality, until eventually Niki disappears off to Ireland to move in with her boyfriend, cutting all ties
with Stockholm. When the protagonist learns Niki’s mother is severely ill, she manages to track Niki
down to inform her, only to find Niki doesn’t want to have anything to do with her or her estranged
family. The two permanently fall out, an event the protagonist struggles to explain or accept.
The author then turns her attention to her turbulent love affair with Alejandro, a charismatic 1990s
musician. The two meet at a concert, hitting it off straight away. Their love affair is fuelled by an intense
lust, and although the author loses herself completely in it, Alejandro is perfectly able to walk away from
the relationship whenever it suits him. When he disappears off on one of his frequent travels abroad,
and the author realises she is pregnant by him, she tries to track him down through his band mates, but
they have no idea where he is and have been forced to dismantle the band. We subsequently learn the
author’s present day teenage daughter is the fruit if this unresolved love affair.
The last chapter is dedicated to Birgitte, the author’s troubled mother. The product of a deeply
dysfunctional childhood, Birgitte is clearly ill-equipped to be a mother, and has a psychotic breakdown
on the day the author is born: her anxiety is out of proportion, which means she is unable to hold or
look after the baby. The author’s father is thus forced to play the role of the mother and is instructed to
never leave Birgitte alone with the baby. Luckily, Birgitte’s mental health gradually improves, and the
author is able to have a semi-normal, if highly anxious, childhood. It’s only years later that the anxiety in
her mother resurfaces, and the anti-anxiety drugs which help her cope with it eventually become
Birgitte’s downfall. By the time Birgitte dies, the author is a mother herself, trying to make peace with
the memories of her dysfunctional childhood.